What our triggers really mean

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If you are one who loves the realm of personal development and continuously show up for yourself but still sometimes feel like the triggers suck the life out of you and make you question your entire identity and existence and make you ask yourself a hundred “whys”, then join along because this article is just for you.

Okay I’m not going to sugarcoat this so let’s get straight to it. I really didn’t know how fucked up I was till I actually started doing the work back in 2020. Disclaimer alert: I do not use the words “fucked up” to mock myself or thee. I say these words very humorously and endearingly because damn am I hard on myself when I fall off the healing wagon and find myself spiraling in my own mental loop. And then I wonder how people who don’t exactly have any regulation tools go about life because I feel pretty insane emotionally with the overwhelm when I am triggered.

Being self-aware and actually doing something about it is a gift to humanity and mankind. It is a gift to our families, our friendships, and especially our romantic relationships, and believe me I can tell you a thing or two about dealing with someone I love who has failed time after time to show up with the emotional maturity and awareness to take accountability for his actions and drop his ego to have vulnerable conversations that actually bring us closer instead of tearing us apart. And I don’t even remember if that is what inspired me to write this article or just the simple fact that we’re not perfect, and we deserve grace whether we are doing the work or not. Because if you are doing the work, you know that it takes a shit ton of commitment and courage. It’s not easy and sometimes I feel like people who live in oblivion are significantly happier and I envy them for their superpower of being so nonchalant and disconnected from their feelings. I feel my feelings so deeply and intensely sometimes that I understand why someone wouldn’t want to face their demons. It’s a bumpy road but it’s a rewarding one because who doesn’t want to feel connected to life and the people they love. Heck who doesn’t want to feel connected to themselves?

I’ve been through the phase of having everything look great on paper. I have fully immersed myself in a fictious world of materialistic validation and I showed up with my ego in life, even though what I craved and needed the most were connection and love. So my point in saying this I don’t care how badass you think you are, avoidance is a wound that tears us apart from each other and makes us show up as annoyed and guarded versions of ourselves. So please keep doing the work and keep finding that power within to want to be fearless and in turn want to be vulnerable. Doing the work doesn’t make us immune to triggers, heartbreak, pain, sadness, anger, or insecurities. It just makes us deal with them in a more civilized way that doesn’t perpetuate a cycle of self-sabotage that may in turn hurt those around you. And I realized that after going through a downward hill of frustration and anxiety the other day about a pattern I could have sworn I put to bed many months ago that we will continue to be tested with those triggers because they will always be a part of our story no matter how much we heal them. I still judged myself for feeling that excruciating pain all over again and for feeling for a split second that I am the problem. Like how on earth did I let that situation bother me and rattle me up so much that a whole day was ruined? The answer? I let it be.

Here’s what I’ve learned about triggers in the past few days- they are inevitable and yes the shitty things people may do to us are on them but how we handle it is completely on us. I feel we should start looking at triggers as life experiences. Some great and some not so great. Because even though sometimes certain emotions can feel so consuming regardless of what you do to quell them in that given moment, there’s nothing wrong them and in turn, there’s obviously nothing wrong with you either. And that was the blow to my ego the other day- I took the fact that I let something get to me enough to shake up my own sense of self. The only thing I can do after that is forgive myself because you know what life is going to continue happening and some things are take longer than others to heal, so be gentle with yourself. Our emotions and thoughts do not define us, nor do our triggers. They are just there. And even though it’s easier said than done right now because I’m in higher spirits than when the trigger was eating me alive, it doesn’t make it impossible. Healing is hard. Facing our darker parts is hard. Killing our ego is hard af. It’s all hard work, but the less we attach ourselves to it and to anything in life for that matter, the easier over time those triggers are going to slide by like butter.

So keep doing the work. I’m so proud of you.

I love you,

MS