Navigating chaos in life

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I think life really actually starts to make sense the minute you realize it shouldn’t make sense. Yes, we have the power to create our reality and manifest our deepest desires, but let’s be real. Life usually doesn’t go as planned. And for some of us who are attached a little too tight to certain outcomes happening only at certain timelines, we know that things not going our way can feel catastrophic. So in honor of what has been a change, reflection, eclipse, and growth filled life (especially last year), here are my tips on navigating chaos and change.

There are so many cliches out there about pain making us stronger and building character and what not. Yes, absolutely; however, in the heat of the pain and that feeling of watching our lives crumble before our own eyes while feeling upheavals of powerlessness suffocate us, there is no bright side to things. The more I immerse myself in this spiritual journey, the more I am getting the hang of it in the sense that ultimately the secret code to crack for our own mental sanity is to devote a little of our time to daily acceptance. Acceptance of circumstances and acceptance of ourselves, our actions, our thoughts, our emotions, and our stories. And, the best part is that the root of acceptance begins with detaching yourself from external circumstances and the tendency to automatically create a narrative about yourself, i.e. not taking things personally. At first, a new concept or way of life can feel daunting and even far-fetched, and then it passes through a logical filter of grasping before it actually sinks in emotionally. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and that in itself is something I have to consciously remind myself of when I don’t get my desired results as soon as I would like. Ultimately within that concept of change comes the element of patience and grace for ourselves and for others, and that then translates to the bigger picture of navigating change in life overall.

There really isn’t a right or wrong way to go about things but what I can say with certainty is that once you’ve been through some really life-changing, heartbreaking shit once or twice, the other times still will hurt obviously because change, letting go, and loss are never fun things, but you somehow begin to feel your pain with a knowing that it will all be okay eventually. And after trying to move on after a breakup, unwillingly leaving a job, trying to forgive the past, giving love another chance, and feeling like my own identity and sense of self were unfairly stripped away from me, I can tell you that there is a silver lining and things do fall in place in ways you never even thought about. We can only do so much about our fate, but the most important thing we really can do is surrender. Surrender to what feels shitty right now and surrender to the trust that what we want is already ours and will arrive when we least expect it. So here goes. Here are my two cents on coping with change:

1)      Wallow in your misery

Yup, you read that correctly. That is my way of telling you that you need to feel your feels. Feel angry, feel helpless, feel sad, feel powerless, feel shitty, feel guilty, feel it all. I state it as such because my Pisces rising and Scorpio moon make me feel my emotions to their utmost depth and sometimes it takes me a minute as I linger on those not so cute emotions before I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s my way of sitting through these emotions and letting them rise to surface while I process them in meditation, yoga, breathwork, talking to a friend, or crying. It is imperative to find that one outlet that nourishes you and feels good and safe for you to allow the discomfort to come forth because even though distractions can feel good in the moment, all they really do is prolong your pain and when you least expect it, that very same discomfort will creep up and engulf you again (trust me, there is only so much avoidance and disassociation you can do). Now here’s the interesting part where self-control comes in. After you have given yourself as much time as needed to process these emotions, there must come a time (whenever you feel ready) where you can consciously choose not to focus on the discomfort and instead gravitate towards a higher frequency even though the physical world still may feel dull and sad. There has to come a time when you choose to do better for yourself an when you become your own best and biggest cheerleader, otherwise you can stay stuck in sadness and fear forever if you allow it. That is when that surrender and trust in the universe will come in more than ever. Let it take days, weeks, and even months if needed, but catch yourself when you are ready and realize that life’s circumstances do not define you or your worth.

2)      Love yourself and go back to basics

When we’re sad or grieving, it can become so easy to overlook essential things like sleeping, eating, working out, and drinking water. Sadness can be very taxing and even things that once made you feel amazing, can suddenly feel mundane and pointless in times of despair. Believe me I know. Here is where I urge you to remember that even though life appears to be falling apart, the best thing you can do for yourself is focus on self-love and self-care. Again working out or cooking can feel like the last things on your mind, but I promise maintaining these small habits can feel like huge accomplishments and can grant a sense of power and control especially in times of helplessness. Picking one little thing you can focus on and commit to daily can create a sense of routine which in turn can help you occupy your time with a feel-good healthy habit which eventually can create more mental clarity. Feelings of depression or sadness or funks in life are pretty much almost always a calling for a sense of connection and belonging, so something as simple as choosing to go to sleep at 10:00 pm every night can be the most rewarding sense of connection and commitment you can offer yourself. Also keep in mind that taking care of yourself is an act of self-love and self-love instantly creates a higher frequency for you to vibrate on to better manifest things. You consciously choose to commit to yourself even on the days when it feels annoying or like it’s doing absolutely nothing for you and you trust that the discipline will slowly manifest into positive change.  

3)      Protect your time and energy and only spend time with people who lift you up.

Having amazing friends and people in your circle who are there to catch you when you fall can be literally the only thing you need in life sometimes. If you’re anything like me, then you probably tend to be very forgiving, you love giving people the benefit of the doubt, and you’ve probably also rationalized or dismissed people’s obvious red flags. It’s taken me years of metaphorical slaps in the face by life to realize that the only way we can truly preserve our peace is to trust our intuition. Take people for face value. Literally. If you’re overanalyzing something or someone or you simply don’t feel good around someone, trust that. I swear to you intuition is like fucking magic pixie dust- it never lies. If I could count the number of times I felt a certain way about someone but then dismissed it out of a desire of wanting to believe in their goodness, we’d be talking big big bucks by now. But in the spirit of leaving the past where it belongs, we’re not gonna wallow on that. All we’re going to do moving forward is assess the quality of your friendships by simply checking in on how you feel when you’re around those people. If even on your most exhausted day, there’s that one person that feels uplifting no matter what, then that is a great example of a green flag. Naturally, the exact opposite is true. That is, if you feel triggered around someone, you can’t be yourself, they do not respect your boundaries, you don’t feel you can trust them, you feel off, or you just simply do not feel comfortable opening up, then there’s a great chance that person/relationship/friendship is just no longer serving you, and that’s okay. Shed the dead weight. I swear to you as painful and annoying it is to let go of someone, in the long run if they weren’t honoring your boundaries for example, you’re gonna thank yourself for putting yourself first. Granted, I am not saying remove people left and right because communication and vulnerability can be a magic cure for anything, but if you know you have tried and the pattern keeps presenting itself, then bye. I promise you nothing is really lost. You’ll just get something way better instead. But you have to let go first. For real. The real people are going to be there for you in the good and the bad, not only when you’re soaring high. Remember that.

4)      Find your happy place

I’ve been on this journey for almost 5 years now and I still find myself unconsciously falling off the wagon and banging my head against my self-fabricated rabbit holes. I judge myself when that happens. What am I doing wrong? Why is this still triggering? What the fuck is the universe trying to show me now? Oh great another lesson. I’m fucking sick and tired of lessons. Oh shocker. Another person let me down? And the list goes on. Healing and growth are the most nonlinear journeys ever and when life decides to throw every wrong thing at you at once, it’s hard not to spiral. We’re human beings after all. One thing that helped shift my awareness in moments when I feel like the world is falling and I have no idea who I am or what the fuck I’m doing is to literally just allow it to be, but I still do that one thing that makes me feel good about myself. For me, that’s moving my body whether it’s dancing, working out, or making love quite frankly. There are days when nothing is gonna work and I need you to be okay with that being a thing, but you deserve the compassion of finding that one thing that will make you and your inner child smile and feel seen. And if you need guidance, pull up an inner child meditation and let that show you the way. Sometimes all we need is a little love and attention. But I want you to take those shitty and not so shitty moments and really just cultivate some time to get to know yourself and what makes you happy. Cooking, sewing, video games, coding, travel, gardening, reading, or literally anything you can think of. Find it. And let that be your compass when the world is falling apart and you feel like there is no one to fall on except you and yourself.

5)      Trust

Over time, once you begin to solidify your sense of self and your own self-worth, you will begin to detach from creating a narrative about yourself just because something shitty happened. You will begin to strengthen your trust that everything that happens is happening for your highest good and that it will all eventually make sense. How do you trust? You let yourself imagine and feel every worst case scenario (yes. Feel it. We’re playing pretend, remember?) and then you hold yourself and reassure yourself that everything is going to be okay. Tell a friend that you need them to say those very words to you. Tell your hubby to give you a hug. Reflect with yourself on something shitty that you got over from the past. Trust that there is a higher power that has your back even when you feel sad and alone. You have to surrender. You have to find a way to reconnect to the present moment. I say this with a deep wish that I could wave a magic wand that can instantly quell everyone’s pain because coming from someone who has had tendencies to want to control the outcome, someone who overthinks the living shit out of everything, and someone who is impatient as fuck, I know that my words may even sound annoying right now. But trust has changed my perspective on life. I now still may feel triggered or angry about something, but there’s that inner knowing that nothing bad is going to happen to me per se because every so-called bad event has turned out being pretty okay in the long run. So if you literally need to tell a friend or your significant other to hold you accountable or remind you to ground yourself, so be it.

The bottom line is we do have control over ourselves to an extent. We can’t control external circumstances, but we can control our perception and reaction to these circumstances. We can consult that one friend, seek that happy place, knock sense back into ourselves, isolate and be with ourselves, if necessary, feel the feels, go for a walk, or whatever makes your little heart happy. Tell people you’re going through something. Lean into vulnerability and remind yourself that these external circumstances change nothing about or dictate your worth. Everything is a mere external circumstance and you are merely experiencing it- that in itself, is a powerful tool to grab life by the balls and reclaim your sense of power even when you feel completely powerless. Remember that you are whole, worthy, and complete no matter what. And if you need me to be that person who holds space for you, then people do not hesitate to reach out. I’ve been through so much shit and I want to know that I can be there to help to the best of my capacity. I believe in people and humanity and I think a lot of us are just tainted by pain and we’re too scared to do anything about it, and that’s why some people may come off as assholes. Have compassion for yourself and for others.

I love you and I hope you have a sexy 2025.

MS