What is self-love?

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Ask yourself that question again. What the fuck does life even mean sometimes? How do we know that we've really attained this oh so coveted state of being? If you're one who has embarked on a self-love journey, specifically as a redirection after an unsuccessful romantic relationship, and wonder "okay what next?", this one is for you.

Life has an interesting way of teaching us lessons. Because I'm assuming you have already dipped your feet beyond the shallows of this healing journey, have felt enlightened as fuck and on a spiritual run, and occasionally have those moments of disconnect where you're like "okay now what universe?". Here's the thing about healing and spirituality- they're never linear and it's not like you become invincible once you commit to them. There is no solid formula for success but there is groundwork that we can build foundations on and always come back to in those moments of confusion, distress, frustration, and loneliness. Life is a challenge, a beautiful one nonetheless, but damn it gets hard. And it gets even harder to do it all on your own sometimes. Yes, we encourage alone time and conscious solitude but ughhhhh you know?

Here's a tough one it took me years to crack, unravel, and finally assimilate- there is a huge difference between loneliness and conscious solitude, and even though that seems foreign as fuck when you're in an unfulfilling relationship or in the breakup stage or simply in a perceived lonely moment in life, it really saves you a lot of pain once you master that art. We all grow up with some sort or form or shape or size of trauma that translates into an unmet need as an adult, and remember trauma does not have to equate to abuse or a tragic loss (for example). Trauma can still be stored in our body as a result of not having received enough praise even in a perfectly functional and healthy family. In other words, we all have some sort of reparenting to do to ourselves as adults or some shit to get over and deal with. Some yes is unfortunately more drastic and hence takes way longer to alchemize, but the gist of it all is that pain is part of each and every one of our journeys to regain perspective and turn it into purpose.

I guess what I'm trying to say is as empowering as it is to be that badass who loves his/her own company and now has solid boundaries and is flourishing and feels fulfilled, who doesn't need to fall on a warm shoulder to cry on every now and then? Who doesn't want to share and give love and hear someone sincerely tell you "I love you"? We're human. It would be absurd to declare that you will never need it again just because you feel healed. The delicate balance of this so-called notion of self-love is to understand that it is up to you to pour love into and onto your self, but also acknowledge that you are worthy of receiving love externally be it in the form of a beautiful experience or another human being. Self-love comes from permeating the sense of feeling whole but also seeing any "external love" as a complement to your own love to yourself. Self-love is knowing that yes although we are human beings and need other human beings, we do not solely rely on those other human beings for love. Self-love is remembering that you are worthy of love even on those days when you feel like you aren't.

So going back to the theme relationships which is where we are most likely to sometimes fully lose a sense of ourselves as an individual with an identity outside of a partner or romantic relationship, the trick is rebuild that foundation I previously mentioned. Don't beat yourself up for having been in a fucked up relationship. You needed that as a redirection to yourself. Because here's the annoying truth. Until we cry and suffer and lose and learn to love the shit out of ourselves, we're going to continue finding ourselves in unfulfilling situations.

Ultimately, self-love is a never-ending journey so there is no "what now?" or "what's next?". One where you're probably gonna cave and give in to that guy/girl you're trying to get over and know is not good for you. One where you're gonna sometimes feel moments of overwhelm and anger. One where you're sometimes going to hate the world and yourself. But one where after the tears and imbalance you automatically begin to always find your way back to your heart. Back home. Back to your inner source of peace, joy, and safety. So please be graceful and patient with yourself. You're too awesome and complex of a soul to always follow one rule, one structure, or one linear way of living. You're going to naturally ebb and flow and change. It's part of the process and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

Now go kill it and have a sexy 2023.

I love you,

MS