Ode to 2022

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Among the usual cliché of new year resolutions, finally starting things we’ve been putting off for a long time, and making big life moves, why don’t we take a moment to reflect on each and every one of our internal and personal journeys? Let’s honor that you’re most likely not the person you were last year because you’ve grown and been through bullshit that has shaped you, you know what I mean? Well if you do, keep reading.

Wow where do I start? I kind of wanted this post to be a reflection and ode to 2022 but also to shed light on the notion of detachment, moving on, and growth. I think the collective energy of 2022 was pretty steady per se, except during any major planetary shift where it would feel like we are all purging our emotions or stuck and trying to figure them out. Three quarters of my 2022 were stuck on trying to make a toxic relationship work while battling the obvious intuitive nudges from my mind and soul that were telling me otherwise. Love I tell you. What a deep, multi-faceted component of life. We go around preaching it and wishing it for the world and for ourselves in every action and thought, but how often do we dive in deep enough to question the quality of love in our lives?

And I ask that very question because that was something I hadn’t given enough attention to. Or at least I thought I had, but not as deep as I should have. My own journey felt like a constant disconnect and attempt to reconnect as opposed to feeling connected and reconnecting when necessary, and it was in my control. You see, here’s the crazy thing about feeling stuck in a toxic relationship or falling in love with the wrong person in general- we know it’s fucked up and we know it’s wrong but we end up fighting that blatant notion anyways. Why? I don’t know for a fact, but what I can say is I guess it’s primarily because that’s exactly where we need to be to get those slaps in the face from life and also because yes, it’s hard to control how we feel about someone once our heart is invested no matter how loud our mind screams. It’s so easy to go about judging people and their choices but the truth is if it has happened to you, it has happened for you because it was meant to be a part of your journey. No discomfort is eternal, unless you unconsciously allow it to and that is where your taking charge of your own life becomes questionable. So without further ado, here are my biggest lessons from 2022:

No relationship defines you or breaks you. It just shapes or reshapes you.

The biggest harm we can do to ourselves is lose ourselves in a relationship. We become so attached to our partner and our life as a couple that we forget about ourselves as an individual. It’s okay, I’ve been there so I know. Healthy compromise is a beautiful and necessary thing but not at the expense of your values and non-negotiables. It’s frustrating because we somehow end up finding ourselves stuck in a loophole of noticing our bad habits but also feeling helpless about it all because our soul mission becomes to avoid losing this person or relationship. Well today we put an end to that, because nobody and nothing on this planet is worth sacrificing your own energy and peace for especially at the cost of your wellbeing. Remind yourself in the breakup/ grieving stage that people only change when they want to and loving somebody more is not gonna make them want to change. Extract the lessons and know that walking away is the most self-honoring thing you can do when necessary.

Red flags are a real thing. Do not ignore them.

Oh but it can’t be. This person is different. I’m just making things up in my end, etc. Well, no. If it feels off and you’re in a position where you’re questioning where you stand or the other person’s behavior or googling that behavior, then guess what? Your nudge about them is more than 100% right. Take that as a sign and walk away. The truth always comes out and if you’re lucky enough to see those unacceptable or inappropriate behaviors early on, the universe is doing you a favor and also secretly testing you. The universe loves throwing similar situations in the form of different people just to see if you have really closed the cycle or if you needed another wake up call. Please do not make the mistake of allowing your emotions to fog up your own intuition. And one hard truth I’ve had to wrap my head around is that if you’re fighting the red flags and justifying shitty behavior, then you’re more than likely pursuing a relationship out of a space of need, longing, loneliness, or a void in general.

People’s shitty behavior is a reflection of who they are, not of your worth.

This is a tough one to grasp sometimes because it’s hard not to take personally what someone who you care about says or does. We should be seeking relationships that offer us a space of growth and peace and the safety to rise as our best, most authentic selves and be able to offer the same to our partner. Someone who brings you down for a fun and does not allow your light to shine is somehow who for starters has zero self-love and either does not see your worth because they do not see their own and know they have nothing to bring to the table or does see your worth and seeks to destroy it because of their own ego. That is not love. True love would never do that. True love does not lie, manipulate, bring down, belittle, hide, ignore, blame, criticize, or disrespect. As simple as that. If someone crosses those lines, well for lack of better terms, that person is just a shitty human being who has a long long way to go on healing or even remotely acknowledging the word. Don’t blame yourself for having stayed longer than you should have or for having forgiven them a hundred times. It’s okay. You didn’t know then what you know now. And any fucked up thing they did is on them, that is not your burden to carry. Cry, feel it out, feel the anger, sadness, betrayal, and heartbreak but do not for a second think that it happened to you because you deserve it. No, no, and no. It was part of your process. Now it’s up to you to shift every particle of focus back on yourself.

There is power in letting go.

Moving on, breaking up with someone, and letting go sting like a dagger through the heart, even if you were with a shitty person. Nobody wants to lose someone especially not when emotions are invested. If moving on was so easy, believe me the cycle of toxic relationships would cease to exist- not a bad idea, but let’s not live in la la land. Here’s the thing: most of the time, we tend to fear losing someone because there is that inherent fear of abandonment or loneliness. But what if we could change the narrative to “I should have more fear in missing out on a healthy, loving, and fulfilling relationship over the fear of losing this person in my life”. And this goes for relationships in general, not only toxic romantic relationships. The most enriching and nurturing thing we can do for ourselves is honor who we are as an individual and learn to truly and deeply fall in love with ourselves, because once you hit that point, magic fucking happens. And the next time someone does something that doesn’t align with your values, you will not even think twice about letting them go. In fact, you will feel empowered knowing that you can live an authentic, aligned life where you get to actively choose who you allow access to your energy and time. And that is pretty badass. But until you make that commitment to yourself, you’re gonna keep getting stuck in similar, unfulfilling situations. Embark on a journey of self-love and coming back home to yourself no matter how hard and frustrating it gets. It is soooo worth it.

I love you,

MS