Moving on- wish them love

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Moving on. Heartbreak. Break ups. Never an easy subject- any of them even in the most amicable of endings. Someone always gets hurt somehow and we are left to wear our emotions out on our own sleeve alone. We process and process but the feeling or memory with this person we were once so deeply in love with lingers. So now what?

So you’ve taken the leap. You’ve decided to walk away and fully commit to moving on and starting fresh far away from anything that once connected you to this human being. You commit to working on yourself and enjoying your own company and you actually begin to realize how much you are flourishing outside of this relationship no matter how many times you doubted yourself. You begin to realize that you are perfectly capable of living a happy, peaceful life without this person. You begin to connect deeper with yourself and your most innate of needs. You befriend yourself and learn how to fall deeply in love with yourself. But you miss this person. The occasional waterworks take over when you get stuck on a mere thought or memory that seems to perpetuate for an eternity and everything suddenly feels so visceral it’s like you’re reliving the moment with that person all over again. “Oh shit. Why is this happening? I thought I had moved on”, you begin to think. And then you start feeling guilt and shame and you start judging the living shit out of yourself. I know. I’ve been there about a hundred times and even though you will find me constantly coming back to the essence of this topic, the truth is because it takes time and we’re gonna alternate between feeling sad and empowered many, many times. And that’s okay. It’s part of the process.

Just when things started making sense, they suddenly don’t all over again. We begin to seek the depth in connection with others just to get a glimmer of hope that there still are good people out there. And that’s what takes me to the next, very crucial point- even if we know a relationship is not good for us or is harming us, it still can feel impossible to walk away and even when we do, we still walk away with a lot of love and feelings for this person. But for a split second, it feels like it’s us against the world, because being let down by the person we deeply loved is like watching our whole world tumble before our eyes. Being let down, disrespected, lied to, cheated on, and taken advantage of is like a fucking dagger to our soul and heart. How can someone be capable of doing all that? But the deeper and more monumental question is “what part of us that allowed all that mistreatment needs to be healed?”.

They say there is medicine in pain, and this is not to suggest that we constantly have to go through shit to grow or heal or finally enjoy life with a refreshed perspective. It is rather more to shed light on the things that bring us down and instead choosing to transmute the energy associated with them instead of poisoning our soul with it. But the memories and emotions will never die away. Never. We just learn to live with them and in acceptance that this person was not the one. And that’s okay too. But it is only until we devote ourselves to accepting the course of our life that we truly begin to let go and lean into expansion to make space for new beginnings. At the end of the day, nothing is lost. It is simply an energetic exchange that needed to happen in order to keep things moving and make room for what is actually meant to last longer than a season in our lives. Yes, it stings and kills that this is not the person that we are going to wake up next to, make love to, cuddle, and say “I love you” to for the rest of our lives. And it will take a minute to process and digest that because true love never dies and even though that person may have not valued us or treated us like shit, we still grieve the purity of the love we once felt for them and the notion of never wanting to give up on this person or this relationship. We grieve the untouched cards of effort and hope and devotion. We grieve the fact that this person did not want to give this their all for the long run. And even though it sucks, I promise there is a silver lining. And even though it still may hurt, missing and loving them should never be something we are ashamed of. You’re slowly going to start laughing at the memories even the sadder and angrier ones because you start really letting go and realizing that it’s not worth carrying that heavy charged energy forever and because of that same love that once had us blinded, it’s much softer on our hearts to remember this person in the light of love.

So please remember that you’re going to ebb and flow between a hundred emotions until you finally, fully let go. There is no preset timeline you should follow. Just follow your heart and your soul till you really feel there is nothing that hurts or triggers you anymore. Keep shedding the layers and memories and beautiful and not so beautiful memories until they actually become neutral memories. Smile at the good times. Fuck it, drop all the drama and mean, hurtful moments and really hold this person in your heart for the good times. Thank the universe for the good times and the opportunity to have shared them with this person. Release the emotional burden. Release them. Wish them well. Wish them healing and growth. Wish them love. Lots and lots of love.

I love you,

MS